The butt is the forbidden zone and often off limits for play. There are a multitude of reasons for this, but most common are the myths that surround anal sex. So before we embark on techniques and advice for enjoying anal sex, let’s expose the fictitious information about entering the back door.
THE MYTH: IT WILL HURT.
The truth: Anal sex doesn’t have to hurt. It’s often just done incorrectly. Many women find it incredibly pleasurable, and some even report having orgasms with them. If you and your partner start slow, work your way into insertion with smaller implements like fingers and sex toys and use plenty of lube, pain will be the last thing on your mind.
The truth: So you tried it once and insertion hurt really bad. You made your partner stop and vowed never to go “back” there again. You don’t have to shut the backdoor because of one or two negative experiences. Most of these experiences have to do with not following the above instructions: go slow, graduate in size and use lube. Plus there is a nice trick to get you relaxed. If you also stimulate your clitoris at the same time it can encourage the pleasure over pain response.
THE MYTH: ONLY “SLUTS” HAVE ANAL SEX.
The truth: You’ve always heard that bad girls are the only ones willing to have anal sex. In actuality, anal sex has been voted the number one taboo sexual behavior that heterosexual couples want to try. So obviously, we all can’t be sluts. There’s a natural curiosity about our bodies and if there is pleasure to be had, you should feel you can explore that in a safe and healthy way.
The truth: Yes, I have actually heard this in my office more than once. It usually has to do with a couple that has more than once sexual issue, especially a female who might be inhibited about her sexuality and it is getting in the way of her sex life with her partner. Some men behold anal sex as the holy grail and if they can just get their wives and girlfriends to partake then the floodgates (so to speak) about sex would open in general. Those other issues need to be worked out ahead of time and then if and when she feels open to the experience should they approach the subject. If she is just doing it out of fear of losing her relationship, she probably won’t enjoy it anyway.
The truth: So he got what he wanted from you and now wants nothing to do with you? I’m sure this happens occasionally but with more than just anal sex but any sort of sexual activity. Most men though, are modern enough to see anal sex as just one component of healthy sex life. And because of the taboo of anal sex, it might actually help you feel closer and more emotionally bonded to your partner.
The truth: Having any sort of sex the “wrong way” could cause damage. Think about it: If you are vaginally dry and don’t use additional lube, you can cause micro-tears in the vagina. The same thing can happen in anal sex. Granted the vagina does create its own lubrication usually (depending on hormones etc.) and the anus does not but that just means real lube (not saliva) needs to be used for a healthy experience.
The truth: This is a misconception because many people think that because there is no pregnancy risk that you also don’t need to use a condom. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Most STDs are transferrable through the anus (chlamydia, gonorrhea, infectious hepatitis and HIV). Some even more so, because the lining of the anus is much more thin and can be broken more easily if too much dry friction occurs (again, please refer to the importance of lube use).
The truth: It’s no secret, many men do cop to the fact that they enjoy the additional tightness the anus affords as compared to the vagina. But most men don’t want to give up the main entry either. Vaginas are still revered. Anal sex tends to be a “treat” mixed into your regular sexual repertoire of play.
The truth: Just like the myth that the vagina gets irreparably stretched out from childbirth, this is also a misconception. There were rumors in the late seventies of groups of men who engaged in so much anal activity that they actually lost control of bowel movements. Regular, healthy use of anal sex will not lead to this outcome. Through regular anal sex, your anus does learn to become more relaxed but much of that has to do with your ability to relax yourself mentally for the act. And we all know that the vagina accommodates a wide range of penises, the anus can too — with the right introduction.
The truth: This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions I run across. The anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think. This doesn’t mean you should transfer the elements into the vagina by having anal sex and then vaginal sex though because they are two different environments, even microscopic fecal elements can cause vaginal infections. Just be sure to as with antimicrobial soap before vaginal re-entry or just end your sexual exploits for that evening with anal sex. Regardless, if you are still concerned, you can always have a bowel movement prior followed by an enema, if you want to be squeaky clean.
ENGAGING IN THE ACT OF ANAL SEX
Getting the tip in hurts the most, because the head of the penis is the widest part. Relax your PC muscles as much as possible. Relaxing and constricting the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles is like the anal version of doing Kegels. You can worry about that later on — right now just let your butthole muscles go, like you’re about to poop (you won’t, probably).
Once you’re past that and up to the shaft, it’ll feel a little better. The best way to reduce any initial entry pain is to ease the tip in, a little bit at a time. Start with just a small part of the head, slowly and gently inserting in and out until the penis is fully inside.
You’re going to feel like you’re pooping but you’re not. Honestly, it becomes hard to tell if you are or aren’t. If you feel like you are, it could be due to coming close to anal orgasm. If the pressure persists, stop.
You can lie flat on your stomach, get in doggy-style, or do missionary — and that is the order of what will hurt the least to the most. You can tear your anus if you use a certain position that allows for more penetration before you’re ready, and the missionary position allows for the least clitoral stimulation and suggests receiver-on-top for beginners. Insertive partners who are inexperienced, nervous about how to penetrate their partners anally, or fearful of hurting their partners may find this position most relaxing because the receiver can do much of the decision-making and work.
Don’t worry about disappointing him by wanting to go slow and gently. You’re not being a buzzkill who’s squashing his porn-influenced fantasies of pounding out of a girl’s butt. You are being an awesome and selfless (if butt sex is not on your list of must-have sex) partner.
Like peeing immediately after sex to avoid a UTI, it’s good to go to the bathroom right after you’re done. You’ll also probably feel like you have to anyway. You have also opened yourself up to the joy of butt queefs. They’re not farts, no matter what anyone says. Unlike frontal queefs, they might go on for a few hours as the air escapes. On the bright side, you are a human beatbox, and your partner can lay a sick freestyle over the top if s/he feels so inclined.
If you despise it, never do it again. It shouldn’t take you a few hellish rounds to finally decide it’s not for you. If you hate it, you hate it, and that is fine. I didn’t hate it, and it was psychologically gratifying to watch my partner’s mind being blown. I’d do it again as a “special occasion” thing, like on our anniversary, or Flag Day.
TIPS FOR PREPARATION
To sum up, the most important part of enjoying better anal sex, or any kind of sex for that matter, is talking. The most sensitive erogenous zone is between the ears, stimulate that one and the sex will always be mind-blowing.